Alright , enough already “working on the problem” or “handling the issues” or “Trying to change yourself or the other person”. All this concentration on “the problem” often creates an atmosphere of tension and uncertainty that drains the life out of relationship.  It also creates “the problem” as the main focus of the relationship. A commitment to “solve the problem” has no value when compared with the “commitment for a satisfying and fulfilling relationship”. You see the difference? One keeps the problem as the main focus and one creates forward momentum. Of course, problems need to be solved but not as the main purpose of your relationship.

My wife Nancy and I are work partners, family partners, best friends and lovers.  We learned that hanging out in a lot of drama and issues all the time created us wanting to be apart more. That is because the other person started to represent “the problem”. This is not a good thing. Lets face it, there is going to be something to work on in every relationship, all the time, so get used to it. For those of you who create “drama” because you get bored, I suggest you nip that in the bud and stop that activity and find a hobby. Made up drama is toxic to any relationship.

The “art” is to laugh and enjoy each other. The other person is not a “problem” they are a solution!  I have more fun with Nancy laughing about getting older and all our habits we have developed over the years.  I came out in my tux the other day looking dashing and handsome. I said “How do I look” and she said “Everything is great but the part where your zipper is down”. We laughed until we were out of breath. A silly little thing. We laughed because we figured that we must have reached the age where leaving the zipper down is just part of life. Same with dropping food on our clothes, or walking into another room and forgetting why or blaming the other person because you lost a sock.  Holy Cow, you have got to laugh at the stuff we all do. I include a picture I took of Nancy having fun at the worlds biggest M&M store, Times Square, New York City. Does she look like she likes chocolate or what?

Finally, there was some research done on people who had  a near death or death experience and come back to life. many people reported hearing two questions: “How have you lived?” and “How have you loved?”. If we can answer these questions, that we lived and loved with laughter  joy and passion, then everything else we accomplish is icing on the cake. Patrick and Nancy.

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