A fulfilling relationship is one of the greatest pleasures and sources of satisfaction there is in the world, but it also seems like the easiest thing to take for granted. It is easy to steer attention from a relationship and pay more attention to a bigger challenge at a particular moment. Job, kids, relatives, friends, and even church can divert our attention. It is normal, in the short run, to shift our focus to different areas of life. However, if something takes our focus away from our primary relationship, consuming our attention and energy, and eventually becomes more important than our relationship, this can be looked at as a form of infidelity. I know this is a strong word but infidelity doesn’t have to be a sexual betrayal, it can be anything that we put more focus and attention to over a period of time and which begins to render more satisfaction and fulfillment to us than our relationship. Infidelity can occur with a job, friendships, relatives, sports, hobbies, TV, and any number of things. Of course, none of these things are bad in themselves and doing other things is very important to having balance in life. The point is, if you don’t put attention, honest emotion sharing, and time into a relationship, it starts to become less fulfilling and more routine. Sometimes you don’t even notice that this occurs; we just notice that relationships don’t give us the same sense of fulfillment, love, and adventure.

Fortunately there is a remedy for this condition, but it does take discipline and practice. The main thing is to start putting quality time into your primary relationship and you will notice an immediate difference in the level of intimacy and enjoyment. Plan things together, go places together, put aside some time where you just talk without distraction.

Here is where I put in a plug (this is exciting!) for our couples retreat in San Francisco on April 22-23. If you want to pay some committed attention to your relationship, and if you love the idea of learning and growing your relationships, this retreat/seminar is the ideal place to be in April. Click on the sidebar for information.

You can start at anytime to create great relationships with attention. After all, relationships are our greatest treasures. Guard them!

Patrick and Nancy Dean

Filed under: Relationship Discussion