C.J. Wilson (from Facebook fan page) asks:  “What about the affects of self-doubt in a relationship; playing the “what-if” game and how that could affect a relationship, uncertainty on how to or whether to go further in a relationship”?

These are very good questions.  We could write a book to answer them but I’ll give you the short answer, knowing that there is much more we could talk about.

Self-doubt is something everyone confronts in their lives. Even people who are at the top of their game have some areas in their lives that they are not so good at or haven’t mastered. Mastery of self-doubt is the practice of two qualities. Trust and practice.

Trust.  You must be able to trust that, no matter what, that if you give it a full effort, that you will either produce an outcome that is what you want, or that you fall short and that it becomes something from which you can learn. Learning can be painful but is a necessary part of the game of life. Basically this is about trusting God.

Practice is focused effort toward an end result. Practicing relationship is the same as practicing a sport. Your practice:

•Being true to yourself, don’t deceive or lie to yourself about being greater or lesser than you really are. Know yourself and be able to laugh at yourself. Don’t take others comments or judgments as truth, it’s their point of view.

•Be Honest in everything you do. Keep your word, follow through and keep your promises. Be able to laugh at yourself.

• Speaking with compassion and understanding even in times of anger and disagreement.

•Do not expect that the other person is in this world to make you happy. They are in this world to fulfill their own destiny, not yours. This means supporting other human beings in the fulfillment of their purpose. Not doing it for them but understanding that relationship is a place of service.

As far as the last part of your question; “when to go further”.  Here is my answer. Be true to your principles but trust your heart. Your heart may deceive you sometimes, but forever being cautious and reserved will only get you sitting on the sidelines. Every actions you make has consequences for other human beings so always weigh this before committing to actions.

Send you friends to facebook fan page or comment in the space below. We can’t answer every question but we will pick some to answer.  Facebook Fan Page: Blackbelt In Relationship.

Thank you.  Patrick and Nancy.

Filed under: Relationship Discussion